Harry Potter: Whose Line Is It Anyway?
by ayell
Summary: What do you think would happen if the Harry Potter characters were asked to appear in Whose Line Is It Anyway? Read to find out! R&R!
1. The Letter

**Harry Potter: Whose Line Is It Anyway?**

"Hey Harry!" Ron shouted. "Wanna play some Quidditch with Fred and George?"

"Sure!" Harry flashed a smile. 

But just then, a shadow came over him and he found it to be Hedwig. She'd grown over the summer, so she could bring big packages now. However, the she was bringing right now wasn't big; it was in a form of a letter. A bunch, actually. Hedwig dropped the bunch of letters and flew gracefully to Harry shoulder, giving him an affectionate nip as she had always. Harry ripped the paper that was binding all the letters together and noticed that they all had the same return address.

He looked at who they were addressed to and found it to be himself, Ron, Hermione, Fred and George.

"Hey, Ron!"

"Yeah?"

"Com ere'! Bring Fred and George and Hermione with you!"

"Okay," Ron herded the crowd on to Harry.

"What is it, Harry?" Hermione asked once she got there. "Anything important?"

"Wazzup, Harry, dudi-o?!" The twins chorused, they had taken to greeting people like that nowadays.

"These letters came in for you, via Hedwig; it's from 'Whose Line is it anyway?'… Some Muggle show, I suppose."

"Cool." Ron said, taking the one addressed to him.

"I play the host," Hermione announced, "'cause the former one was run over by…giraffes?!"

"Ron and I play contestants," Harry announced, "'cause one of the former contestants seem to have disappeared…"

"Mine joined a heard of…giraffes?!" Ron said, eyes widening.

"Well, that explains why mine's died, must've gotten mad or something."

"We play the back-ups, in case one of you dies, we get to take over."

"Cool."

***

Draco Malfoy and Severus Snape were doing extra potions homework, well, Draco was, and Snape was there to help him. Draco was half-way done with cutting the tail of the newt when an owl flew in.

It dropped two letters on Draco's side and flew off. Draco picked them up, examining them.

"This is for you," he said, looking at Snape.

"And this is… for me." he opened his letter.

"A Muggle Show?! My father will never allow it!"

"We have to do it." Snape said. "Because if we don't we'll be bored to death here."

"True." Draco agreed, nodding his head with a shrug. "Let's go then. And it'll be a fine excuse not see Potter's wretched face, anyway."

***

September first came. Harry saw Draco at platform 9 ¾.

"Hello, Potter." Draco smirked.

"Malfoy," Harry nodded in acknowledgement.

"I won't be seeing you," Draco said, his smirk widened.

"Why?"

"I've been invited to a Muggle Show because, obviously, my good looks has stretched far."

Harry chuckled.

"What's so funny, scarhead?"

"Well," Harry smiled, Hermione and Ron appeared on his side, "it seem _our_ good looks has also spread."

"Well, if it's any consolation so has Professor Snape's."

"Oh, God."

***


	2. Questions Only and Scenes From A Hat

**Harry Potter: Whose Line Is It Anyway?**

*Music starts*

Hermione: Welcome to Whose Line is It Anyway? And for today we have a new updated cast from Harry Potter, I'm Hermione Granger, your new host. We have the World's Most Greasy Potions Master, Professor Severus Snape! The Boy Who Lived To Play On This Game, Harry Potter! The Red Headed Weasley, Ron! And the Biggest git in this side of the world, Draco Malfoy! Let's get it on!

*Camera does close up on each person in each turn. They all sit down*

Hermione: In case, you've just tuned in; this is 'Whose line Is It Anyway?' The show we're they everything's made up and the points don't matter. That's right! Just like Dolores Umbridge… she just… doesn't matter. Anyway, our first game is called Questions Only this is for all four of you. What's gonna happen is, I'll give you a scene and you can only ask questions. Once one has run out of them, the next person will take over. Now arrange yourselves, Harry behind Draco, Snape behind Ron. The scene is you just found out that you're gay. Ready, go.

Ron: Will you go out with me?

Draco: No.

Hermione: -buzz-

Ron: Will _you_ go out with me?

Harry: Why not?

Ron: Really?

Harry: Did you just find out you're gay?

Ron: Why do you ask?

Harry: Do I look like I know?

Ron: Will you kiss me?

Harry: What do you think will I say?

Ron: You _are_ gay, aren't you?

Harry: Am I?

Ron: Am _I_?

Harry: Are you?

Ron: I guess.

Hermione: -buzz-

Snape: Are you gay?

Harry: Go away.

Hermione: -buzz-

Snape: Are _you_ gay?

Draco: No.

Hermione: -buzz-

Snape: Can we stop this game?

Harry: Thank every loving god.

Hermione: -buzz, buzz, buzz- A thousand points to Draco for rejecting Ron, negative a thousand for Ron for asking Draco in the first place, a thousand points to Harry for ending the game and two thousand for Snape for being the only one who's grossed everyone out. We'll be back after the break!

*after commercial*

Hermione: Welcome back to 'Whose Line Is It Anyway?'! Our next game is called Scenes From a Hat, this is, again, for all four of you. We asked the audience to write interesting stuff for our actors to act out and we took the nice ones and put it in hat. Thus, Scenes Form A Hat. *pulls out Uncle Sam Hat* Oh, and we trashed all the crappy ones. Okay, *pulls out a strip of paper* the scene is 'Weird Titles For Harry Potter Books'.

Harry: 'Harry Potter and the Magical Toilet Seat'

Hermione:-buzz-

Ron: 'Harry Potter and the Day Hermione Killed Ron'

Hermione: Fine. -Buzz-

Draco: 'Harry Potter and the Day He Found Out He Was Gay And He Wanted To Ravish Draco Malfoy'

Harry: Whoa-kay! Bad mental image, Malfoy!

Hermione: -buzz-

Snape: 'Harry Potter and the Very Hard Potions Exam'

Hermione: -buzz-

Harry: 'Harry Potter Grants World Peace, Fixes The Ozone Layer and Solves World Hunger'

Hermione: Good one. –Buzz, buzz- *get another strip* Harry Potter Quotable Quotes, can be from other characters.

Ron: There is no good and evil, there is only power…and those too weak to seek it.

Hermione: -buzz-

Draco: *puts on a mock-Ron enthusiastic voice* There you go, Harry! You weren't being thick after all -- you were just showing moral fiber!

Ron: How'd you know I said that?!

Draco: I read the books.

Ron: Oh.

Draco: Sometimes the world is just so logical.

Hermione: -buzzz-

Snape: This is in a note, you know who you are. *looks at Ron, Harry and Draco* Let's do it tonight.

Hermione: *cough, cough* Oh my! Who wrote that?!

Harry and Ron: *slowly raise their hands*

Hermione: And what is this all about? You never told me you were gay!

Harry: We aren't! Malfoy challenged us to a duel one night but it turned out ―

Hermione: Please don't tell me you're a threesome.

Draco: Eeeew! Granger! I'd never sink to _his _level! But Potter…

Harry: Oh _god_.

Ron: _Hermione!_ That was a _disturbing_ mental image!

Hermione: Sorry, folks! Back after the break! –buzzz- And you didn't even-

Harry: But-

Draco: Hmm…

Harry: Get your hands off me!!


	3. 2 Line Vocabulary

**Harry Potter: Whose Line Is It Anyway?**

Hermione: Hello, we're back and we've straightened things out. But it turns out Draco's gay has crush on Harry so he jumped him and now they're a happy couple. Sad thing is, they only call each other by their first names when they're about to –

Draco: Granger!

Harry: Hermione!

Hermione: *clears throat* Sorry. Anyway, next we have Scenes From A Hat…oh, sorry, wrong card, heh. We have…Two Line Vocabulary. Again, this is for all four of you. The scene is you're a bunch of first years and you're just new, duh, so you're very curious. Snape is Professor McGonagall, every one else is a first year. Snape can say anything he wants but as for Harry, Draco and Ron, here are your lines. For Harry, "Is that Professor Dumbledore?" and "Can we eat now?", for Draco, "There is much pumpkin juice in my pants." and  "Liberal amounts of pain will be thrown in your general direction." For Ron, "Now you see me, now you don't." and "Do we get sorted now?" Okay, begin.

Snape: Welcome to Hogwarts school of Witchcraft and Wizardry, I am –

Harry: Is that Professor Dumbledore?

Snape: Mr. Potter, I am Professor McGonagall and please do respect your elders… or else.

Draco: *goes in front of Harry* Liberal amounts of pain will be thrown in your general direction.

Snape: Just you try, Mr. Malfoy.

Ron: Do we get sorted now?

Snape: Not just yet.

Harry: *points to Filch and Mrs. Norris* Is _that_ Professor Dumbledore?

Snape: No. Mr. Weasley, we are about to be sorted, where are you?

Ron: Now you see me, now you don't.

Snape: That was not funny, Mr. Weasley.

Draco: *faints*

Snape: Is there anything wrong?

Draco: There is much pumpkin juice in my pants.

Snape: *raises eyebrow* Oh, my.

Harry: Can we eat now?

Snape: Not until you get sorted.

Ron: Do we get sorted now?

Snape: Not until you behave yourselves.

Harry: Is that Professor Dumbledore?

Draco: Liberal amounts of pain will be thrown in your general direction.

Ron: Now you see me, now you don't.

Harry: *turns to Draco* Can we eat now?

Draco: There is much pumpkin juice in my pants.

Harry: *whispers to Ron* Is that Professor Dumbledore?

Ron: Do we get sorted _now_?

Snape: Silence!!

Everyone: O.o

Harry: *tugs on Snape's robes* Can we eat now?

Snape: No!

Ron: Do we get sorted now?

Snape: No!

Draco: There is much pumpkin juice in my pants.

Snape: Watch me care.

Everyone: *Gasps*

Draco: *glares* Liberal amounts of pain will be thrown in your general direction.

Snape: Shut up!!!

*silence*

Harry: *points to Hermione* Is _that _Professor Dumbledore?

Hermione: *almost dying from laughing* -buzzz, buzzzz, buzzzz- a thousand points to each of you for making good use of your lines. Stay tuned, we'll be back after the break!!

***


End file.
